To-morrow and To-morrow and To-morrow…

Unlike Shakespeare’s Macbeth (Act 5, scene 5), I do not believe life is a poorly drawn out play, however it does go by rapidly and I find myself much more aware of time. No longer counting ticking off the months until a baby is born or counting the milestone in the life of a toddler. Instead I now notice time appears to have sped up, a mere illusion of course, yet with half of my life lived I realise now what I did not know then, cherish every single moment with loved ones, even the unpleasant ones. All began with me waking and thinking, “to-morrow and to-morrow and to-morrow…” I quoted the entire monologue in my head, yet shall spare the non-Shakespearean lovers.

My point?   My baby is hitting “early adult” milestones and will be leaving the nest all too soon with his twin brothers closely following in his footsteps. These are exciting times for my oldest, who no doubt believes time has slowed down and bittersweet for me, as I have spent the past 18 years preparing him for this next phase in his life and realise I never prepared myself.

Any mums out there whose children have left the nest, I am looking of any and all advice. Until Monday I shall be with my sons….

Today I Rest

Well, not truly resting in the sense of doing nothing (which sounds utterly delightful). My neighbours are moving and I shall be spending the day helping them box up their belongings. I will try to post my review of Flawless by Selby and Campbell tomorrow evening. Flawless is an excellent true crime novel about the largest diamond heist in history, a truly fascinating novel.

If the weather stays as predicted, it will be a rainy weekend, perfect for reading and napping, and I am looking forward to enjoying both activities. May all of you have a delightful Friday. As mentioned above, I plan to read and nap and I am secretly hoping the rain continues through the weekend to delay the heavy lifting which will be involved with moving.

What does the weekend hold for you, dear readers?

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Ramblings From A Migraine Addled Mind

My ramblings in no particular order, rather this is more of a free thought journal post. A scary thought, I know.

I am not an April Fool’s Day fan. I truly dislike it and have never found the gags to be amusing.

Why do spring colds feel so much more dreadful than winter colds?

Will I ever learn to stop worrying about things I have no control over? If you are reading this and still have young children, trust me when I say, the worrying has not even begun.

In an ideal world, I should be able to tweet the University my son dearly wants to attend, and they would let him, and of course tuition would also magically be taken care of (I did say in an ideal world). His goals are modest, he truly loves a particular campus, I do not know why, but his heart has been set and I *hope* they choose him when the time comes. It will be a long wait. Le Sigh.

Why in the winter do I think the house is cold at 68 degrees and now I think the house is too warm for any comfort?

I counted the books on my TBR piles (yes piles) and decided I am in desperate need of book shelves.

Deciding what advise to impart upon my son about college is trickier than I first thought. I want him to hear me, rather than me sounding like the adult voices on Charlie Brown.

Apparently spring lasted a week and now we are into summer weather, which is not too dreadful considering the humidity is not yet suffocating high, however, upon inspection of my wardrobe it is indeed clear that I lack summer clothing. I suppose I can always crank the A/C and wear sweaters about, my how the neighbours would talk.

Time to decide if I want to take cold medicine or something for my head. I do lead an exciting life.

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Rambling From A Slightly Caffeinated Brain

I am slightly caffeinated, which is scary, since I am a few hours behind my ritual caffeine consumption. I have not had the greatest of weeks and thankfully was able to sleep in!

  • For those of you keeping score, no painting has taken place in my home for approximately 16 days. I am really hoping it is finished before Thanksgiving. I would like to be able to put my furniture back.
  • Sheldon, our Bearded Dragon, may be full grown now and he will only eat Kale and worms. He loves his sandbox and has created hills and valleys of red sand and chooses where to snooze depending on the day. He appears to be quite content with his creations and the cat still could care less about him being in the house. She benefits from his heat lamp.
  • I recall posting that I was going to hear my son sing, yet I do not think I followed up with that. The musical group he is in held a Cabaret night as a fundraiser. I had never heard him sing before this year, since before he was always in a choir. This year he is singing in a group which usually sings a cappella, duets, and solos. So, for the first time, I was able to clearly hear my son’s bass voice. There were tears that night.
  • I only ordered 10 pounds of coffee beans this go round (usually I order 20 pounds) so I must not forget to order earlier than usual. It is the best fair trade, organic coffee I have had, yet shipping it takes forever.
  • Does anyone else have a life which resemble a to-do list?
  • While mentioning to-do lists, our insurance changed and so I get to talk with the nurse and try to explain why my scripts need to be changed, and I am not quite certain I understand it. A lot more caffeine is needed before I can make that phone call. Why do insurance companies mess with things that were working fine?
  • One of my twins has been extremely involved with theatre and is hoping to be on the run crew, so please think good thoughts. He has been putting in a lot of hours and I hope he makes it.
  • My other twin son is fine and involved in Animal Outreach and German Club since finishing up the cross country season and awaiting the beginning of track season. My Husband is also well.

Time to make more coffee, breakfast, domestic chores, and then I can escape into my book. I am currently reading Children of the Dust by Ali Eteraz and a review should be up sometime this week.

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A Race, Painting, and a Cabaret

Today is a full day in my household. I should be sleeping to prepare, but I am engrossed in a rather great novel and figured I best post now. Saturday is usually a day I try to relax with my family, yet today will be a trifle different. In a few hours my guys will be running in an all conference meet. The day promises to be cool and I am hoping for cold. Then my neighbour and husband promised they would finish the kitchen and hallway. For the record, neither touched painting tools on Friday, so we shall see come Monday. This evening my oldest will be singing in a cabaret for a charity fundraiser. I am very excited to see him and his peers sing and perform. Between the race and the cabaret, I shall be reading and with any luck, manage to a have a brief lie down. Happy Saturday!

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Ramblings From An Un- Caffeinated Brain

I know, one would think my brain would be fully caffeinated by now, however, that is not the case. It took quite some doing to find the coffee grinder, the French Press, and the tea kettle.

Why? My home is in utter chaos.

It all began simply enough, as most projects do. We decided it would be nice to add an accent wall to our family room. Easy, should not take long, or so I thought. While the primer was up, it was decided that well, the kitchen needed some fresh paint and new colours, carry the accent colour through. The accent wall is finished, the kitchen is not. Did we choose to stop there? Of course not, that would have made sense. We decided the hallway was too dark and chose yet another colour and oh my the bathroom, really, what were we thinking when we painted that? Several gallons of primer later, 2 reds (flat: Royal Red and semi-gloss: Heirloom Red ), 2 whites (flat and semi-gloss), Scandinavian Blue, Butter, and Thin Ice, my house is still a wreck. It has been a week now and 1 wall has been completed. The bathroom is close to being finished and the kitchen, optimistically speaking is another two days. I am no longer guessing on the time line for the hallway. I know it will be beautiful when all completed and for my sanity I hope it is soon. Yet, I know, all the doors must come down and be finished, the new lighting installed, and I heard talk of painting the laundry room.

I need a hug.

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Chaos Also Referred to As Painting.

Is it not amasing how one word can capture mood, or in this instance, what is happening inside the walls of my home, yet chaos does indeed describe the current situation in my house. While my family thrives the state of my house deteriorates. Chaos has taken over. The end result will be worth it, but as I sit here looking around I wonder if things should have been left alone.
It all began quite innocently enough, as these things tend to begin. My neighbour thought the red accented wall theme should have been carried throughout the house. Why we left out adding an accent wall in the family room I no longer recall. We could have run out of paint, or more likely been too tired to really concern ourselves, regardless of the reason, over a year ago we left the family room without an accent wall. A few days ago my neighbour rang up and offered to correct our mistake. He was ready and willing to take time out and create a red accent wall where previously none existed. I was thrilled. And naturally I not only jumped on his enthusiasm but also joined in. We could not be happier! This one wall project led to more painting, as these sorts of things tend to do. There is something about painting, that makes one begin to think about other things that need a fresh coat of paint or a different colour. This one small project turned into repainting my entire kitchen. I thrive well under order. Chaos and I do not function well together. I am one who believes everything has a place and everything in its place. Now I am living with the contents of my kitchen as well as my family room in my dinging room. This morning was quite unpleasant as I tried to find the French Press, the coffee grinder, and the teakettle to make my necessary morning coffee. Chaos. Apparently, as I have been told, my kitchen will be yellow, white, and red. Honestly it sounded hideous to me, but enough patches of paint samples have been splashed up for me to agree it will indeed liven up the kitchen. The family room wall is not finished, the kitchen has only just begun and the boys are off at a cross-country meet for the day, leaving a lot of painting to few hands. At this point I must mentioned that my husband has been fixing a plumbing problem and has been unable to help with the painting.
There was a slow leak in shower (home ownership has a lot of pitfalls), which led to my husband dismantling the shower by removing tile, and old dry wall and repairing the leak in order to, install new drywall and re-tile. It was a contained area. I could not see the mess and I was not bothered. Until the word “paint” was uttered. Apparently the colour we painted the bathroom will not do. In hindsight I agree. However, it means another room, albeit small, to paint. It means another day where I am unable to read, and I am going through withdrawals, and another day of chaos. I am hoping against all hope that at least two of the three rooms will be restored before Monday.

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Ramblings From An Un- Caffeinated Brain

If you read my post yesterday, then you are aware of how beautiful my morning coffee is, just sitting on the tray, waiting for me to drink. The picture I posted yesterday was of my coffee ready to drink, meaning it was plunged and waiting to be poured into mugs. At present I am waiting for my coffee to steep. When I am waiting for the coffee to steep, I think, blog. I take wild leaps in my morning thinking. For now, we will refer to what I do as thinking, humour me.

  • Why do three (3) teens require ten (10) cups in one day? Mind, most of the day they are at school and cross country practise.
  • Is my husband truly losing his hearing or is he just not listening? I think he is not listening when I speak. I wonder, when I speak, do I sound to him like the teacher from the Charlie Brown cartoons?
  • Why do teens enjoy re-carpeting their floor with not only discarded clothing from the day, but the clean laundry I lovingly put on their beds that day, thereby contaminating the clean laundry with the sweaty discarded running gear? Guess who washes 3 loads of laundry a day?
  • When the cat spits up a hairball, why is it always directly in my path to the bathroom? I have learned to slip on slippers, no matter the hour.
  • Surely, my teens are not the only ones to leave bathroom fans on as well as every light, in every room they walk passed or through. Please tell me I am not alone.
  • As for me, I truly love books. They bring me comfort and joy. From the feel to the smell. All my senses (except taste-I am not that far gone!) delight me. There have to be other book lover’s out there who feel as I do.

Finally, I have a enough books to build myself a fort to hide inside and read. Just the idea of hiding in a fort reading brings a smile to my face. Nothing could make me happier! I will be posting several book reviews in the next few days, so please check back. For now I smell the allure of my coffee, and am ready to begin my day.

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Uncaffeinated Thoughts on a Thursday

My sweet husband is making coffee, well actually still grinding the beans and since I must be awake I might as well share with anyone willing to read my blog, what I am thinking. Trust me, there will be no profound moments, I have not had any caffeine.

Why do I remember to do things at odd hours? I always think I should ring my parents and then realise it is quarter of midnight. This sadly, happens quite often. I have been meaning to order my son’s birthday cake for 3 days now. I remember when I wake and as I am falling asleep around 2 am. Neither time would she appreciate me ringing her up to place a cake order. Surely I am not the only one who does these things?

For those who do not know, I am a night owl. I have by virtue of being a mum, been made to wake in the scary early hours of the morn. However, I remain a night owl. I think best after 11pm. So for anyone reading this post, you are catching me when my grey cells are asleep. There is not even caffeine to soothe them. I can smell the coffee, so it should not be much longer.

So what do I do while the house is asleep? I read. I adore books, as I have mentioned in times past. I usually have to force myself to put a book down so I can get a few hours of sleep. I get lost in books and lose all track of time. It is truly a wonderful experience. My husband dislikes reading for pleasure, I cannot even comprehend that!

I have been meaning to post this, see something else I forgot! It is Book Bloggers Appreciation Week and there are some fantastic contests going on, as well as reviews and interviews. Information can be found here at BBAW! Better late then never.

As I have mentioned loving the aroma of my coffee and have mentioned on more then one occasion, my love for food, I figure I shall share a fact about myself. I detest the smell of food cooking. Odd for someone who loves to eat, but there it is.

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Pain and the Rhetorical Ramblings of One In Intense Pain

I want to shout to the heavens that I give up! I am tired of hurting! I am tired of my family needing to be hushed around me! My body is aging and the pain seems to be intensifying. I am angry. I thought I was accepting, after 2/3rds of my life filled with tests, that I have untreatable pain. Was I fooling myself? There is not a preventative, trigger management, a stop-in-it’s-tracks (not what is it called, but really that word in a search engine could yield things I do not want), nor a general pain management strategy that works for me.
This post is not for sympathy. I needed to get some frustration out. If I clench my teeth any more, I will be back at the dentist and the last visit(s) well, let us not relive those.
There is not a test that has not been performed. I have seen neurologists in five (yes, 5) states. The conclusion? Nothing can be done. The intensity and severity increase each year. The most likely scenario is the next stroke or two will be far more severe then the previous. That is reality. Do not think I have given up. I take daily medicines to help appease my veins and arteries (I do not think it works, although maybe the pain would be worse if stopped).
For those of you who have never, ever experience pain like this and do not know the pain scale, bless you. I pray you never, ever need to know. For those of you who know what I am writing about, I am so very sorry. My pain levels on a good day hover around 3-4. Today is an 8. I am tired, I hurt, and I feel as though I do nothing more the whinge about the pain. I do not think my family hears me any longer, I cannot blame them, decades have taught them to tune it out.
Maybe it is time to give in and go for the heavy hitting pain meds? My children are older now. I put off all these years since I figured my children deserved a mum who was not popping pain pills. I think they still do, even if they can drive, they still need a mum not on heavy duty pain medicines. I can make it a few more years, I owe it to my children.

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