According to my oldest teenager (I have 3 teen boys), my current crime as a parent is “caring too much”. His words were meant to upset, yet they did the opposite. My teenage son will someday realise that as a parent, “caring too much” is not a crime. Quite the opposite. I am smiling as I recall our discussion last night, as difficult as it was to see him upset, it confirmed that my husband and I have been doing a good job as parents. When he was born, I was offered a lot of parenting advise, which I ignored. I also had a lot of parenting books (I do so adore books), all well meaning, although I questioned those written by authors without children. It did not take me long to realise most of those books were not helpful beyond the newborn stage and I donated them. Parenting must be learned through trial and error. I digress. I also should not type before my second cup of coffee.
What led to my son’s accusation? Curious this morning I see. My son is “gifted” (a term I dislike, but that is a subject for a different post), which to me has meant, he has never had to study a day in his life and therefore has not learned how to study. This is a problem. Being the wise old mum that I am, I figured he, a high school student, may find his two college level courses a bit difficult, considering his lack of knowledge on how to study. To prepare for this I set into place ground rules. If his grades dropped, he lost privileges. Why not teach him how to study you ask? I would love nothing more. However, I am his mum and therefore intellectually challenged. His father, a professor of chemistry, is equally intellectually challenged. Apparently becoming parents has that effect. At this point I must add in that I have 3 wonderful sons. They do not miss curfew, they do not drink, smoke, or engage in other activities that would not be appropriate. My oldest has a job and was recently promoted. In short, I was blessed with good sons. Yet being a teen means testing limits. This is not new. I tested my parents, they tested their parents, and so on. In the end, my oldest had to be driven to his cross country pre-meet-carbo-loading-feast. Imagine the embarrassment of having to be driven by a parent. I know, we are dreadful! Yet, he took the loss of a car fairly well. After calming down, testosterone surges are wicked, he and I discussed why I “care too much” and devised a plan that worked for both of us. We emailed one of his teachers (why do people no longer use phones to communicate?) to plan a time for our oldest son to meet with his teacher and explain how he “studies” and in return have the teacher explain to him a more effective strategy of studying. Fortunately his teachers have all their intellectual facilities intact, unlike me, his humble mum. We also devised a new order, a law of the house, to help guide him into studying. I will share what we devised, with the understanding that those of you with younger children may think me silly, and those of you with grown children are chuckling (you know, you have lived it) and those of you with teens (understand, you are living it). My oldest, my darling sweet child, who I “care too much” about, has a new schedule (his twin brothers already adopted this schedule on their own years before). No telly during the week, all studying must be done in his room, earlier bedtime, and absolutely no FaceBooking during the week. The latter being the largest of all problems. Hopefully, this will help my oldest teen learn effective studying that will see him through the remainder of high school, through college and beyond.
For now, I shall continue to “care too much” about all 3 of my sons!